Confessions of a Cloth Diaper Heretic

I cloth diaper which gets me some odd looks when another mom at the park realizes this. They think I'm one of the granola crunching, hippie mommies of the island. But I harbor a dark secret. I am a cloth diaper heretic. Ask a person why they cloth diaper and generally what you hear is how much better it is for the environment and how much more natural it is for their baby's skin. But that's not why I do it. I cloth diaper because of how much money it saves me. To date with two kids I've probably saved almost $3000. That's a big hunk of change when one parent doesn't work.

Cloth diaper advocates say it's not disgusting. It is. But diapering in general is disgusting. Have a kid and whether you use cloth or disposables you are still dealing with urine and feces. Much like a zookeeper. So it's not much more disgusting and when you remember how much money you're saving that negates the nastiness. Mostly.

And yes, cloth diapering take more time. Not to diaper the kid but to wash the diapers and dry the diapers and then (in my case) to stuff the diapers. Have two kids in cloth diapers and you'll begin to fantasize about taking a sledge hammer to your washing machine. But with time, I've streamlined the process and accepted it is extra work.

As for the environmental aspect, I truly believe cloth diapering is less destructive to our ecosystem but it's still not perfect. The waterproof material used in many diapers (PUL) requires harsh chemicals to produce. Diaper washing uses a fair amount of water. But disposables use more chemicals and require more water than one cloth diaper that if properly maintained will last a long time. My kids are proof.

So despite being a heretic, I will continue to cloth diaper my brood. I don't sing it's praises from the highest mountain but I do like to tell people how much money I've saved.

The Grass is Always Greener

To be honest, a week never goes by that I don't ask myself Is this really my life? When I was growing up, I never imagined that one day I would be a stay at home mom. I was raised to believe I could do anything I wanted, even be president. But now in my 30s, I find myself at home raising children. Did I sell myself short? Or is this a good use of my master's degree? Recently, I had a conversation with another mom who gave up a good career to be SAHM. She raves about how much fun she's having and how she loves her life. I like my life but I'm can't rave about it.

Don't get me wrong. I love my kids and generally I love my husband. But I see my former classmates who work and have kids and still find time for yoga and girl's night out. A part of me wants that. But not all of me wants that. I'm not completely fulfilled being SAHM and I'm working on that. But I wonder if they're fulfilled? I know when I was working I was happy, but I can't honestly say I was fulfilled.

Part of my problem is how I came to be a SAHM mom. I'm a realist. When I married my husband I understood how his job worked. He works long hours, travels frequently and is relocated every 1-2 years. I understood I would often be a functional, single parent in new town where I knew no one. Working on top of that would have been very difficult. I can deal more easily with sometimes longing for a career than with leaving my kids in daycare for 40 plus hours a week. As the child of two working parents, I was sometimes shortchanged. That's part of being a working parent. So I guess, I choose to shortchange myself instead of my children?

There are days I throw myself a pity party and I say I shortchanged myself. But most days, I enjoy taking my kids to story time at the library, having laundry basket races through the house or dancing in the living room with them. I'll never be completely happy as a SAHM but for me that is normal. Being a SAHM is better than the alternative. Maybe someday I'll meet another mom who feels the same way. Life is compromise and like all people I need to accept that so I can move on and be happy.