To be honest, a week never goes by that I don't ask myself Is this really my life? When I was growing up, I never imagined that one day I would be a stay at home mom. I was raised to believe I could do anything I wanted, even be president. But now in my 30s, I find myself at home raising children. Did I sell myself short? Or is this a good use of my master's degree? Recently, I had a conversation with another mom who gave up a good career to be SAHM. She raves about how much fun she's having and how she loves her life. I like my life but I'm can't rave about it.
Don't get me wrong. I love my kids and generally I love my husband. But I see my former classmates who work and have kids and still find time for yoga and girl's night out. A part of me wants that. But not all of me wants that. I'm not completely fulfilled being SAHM and I'm working on that. But I wonder if they're fulfilled? I know when I was working I was happy, but I can't honestly say I was fulfilled.
Part of my problem is how I came to be a SAHM mom. I'm a realist. When I married my husband I understood how his job worked. He works long hours, travels frequently and is relocated every 1-2 years. I understood I would often be a functional, single parent in new town where I knew no one. Working on top of that would have been very difficult. I can deal more easily with sometimes longing for a career than with leaving my kids in daycare for 40 plus hours a week. As the child of two working parents, I was sometimes shortchanged. That's part of being a working parent. So I guess, I choose to shortchange myself instead of my children?
There are days I throw myself a pity party and I say I shortchanged myself. But most days, I enjoy taking my kids to story time at the library, having laundry basket races through the house or dancing in the living room with them. I'll never be completely happy as a SAHM but for me that is normal. Being a SAHM is better than the alternative. Maybe someday I'll meet another mom who feels the same way. Life is compromise and like all people I need to accept that so I can move on and be happy.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Hey, I have to say, I understand. Although, I dont have a college degree and I didnt already have a career going when I had Genna but a part of me feel like I should be doing something more. I love being home with my girls and I get knots in my stomach at the thought of sending them to daycare but I see all these people who I graduated with who have degrees now and are engineers or teachers, ect. Did I rush into getting married and having babies? I guess ill never know.
ReplyDeleteI have my days when I question my life choices but then my girls do something nutty and I'm glad I was home to see it. Life is short. We need to do what makes us happy and not care what the world thinks.
ReplyDeletevery true!
ReplyDelete